How To Handle The Situation When Your Wife Commits Adultery?

Pierre Coda
Bobby from Gainesville, Florida, writes, "I am pretty sure that I am a victim of my wife's adultery. I haven't made an effort to catch her. I have tried to talk to her about it and she denies it. Despite the fact that I'm not perfect, I feel I give her the things that she needs emotionally and physically. She has also admitted that I completely satisfy her. How can I find out why she is committing adultery and what should I do about it?"

Adultery can have disastrous consequences on the relationship, particularly the impact it will have on your children, if you were to get a divorce. Thus, you are doing the right thing by trying to find what the reasons are so that something can be done about it. While you feel that you are doing everything that a good husband is supposed to do, there are still several reasons why a woman might resort to adultery:

1. She lacks moral values
2. While you feel that you provide her with what is needed, she feels otherwise
3. She has just met someone who is more desirable than you in certain respects and she cannot help it.

So what can you do about your wife's adultery?
1. If she lacks moral values, there is not much you can do. If you confide in a family member or someone at the church, you should do so immediately. It is also a good idea to indirectly influence her thinking that adultery is immoral and not conducive to a strong marriage. This can be done by elderly family members or friends.
2. Only your wife can tell you if she is not getting from what you need. A marriage counselor and/or therapist can help both of you communicate better with each other so that you can better understand what is missing from your relationship and how you can work together to provide it.
3. There is very little that you can do if she has found someone who is just better than you. In our society, when one meets someone better than the current spouse, most people want to move on. However, it seems that in your case, since she is not admitting to adultery, it is clear that she does not want that relationship to become public and she wants to stay in the marriage with you (for whatever reasons). Thus, unless you have solid evidence of her adultery, you cannot even confront her. Hopefully, she will soon realize that adultery was a bad idea and will end the relationship.

Finally, please do not forget that you still do not have solid evidence of her adultery. While it is difficult to keep a relationship a secret for too long, she might be able to do it for a while if the man is cooperative and discreet. But there is no reason for you to go crazy trying to collect evidence since you will become too preoccupied with it and destroy your own life till you catch her. If she is committing adultery, the truth will soon come out.


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