Dont Let That Man Slip By - Ask Him Out

Some time after a failed marriage, you are just now re-entering the dating scene, but you are not sure how the rules have changed. These days, is it OK for a woman to ask a man out? And what's the best way to do it?

Should a woman ask a man for a date? Conventional wisdom says, "No, it's the man's job to do the pursuing." Reality says, "Sure, why not?" And why not indeed? Because it works. I have met dozens and dozens of couples where the woman did the asking and the result is a happy, balanced, long-term life together.

What's the best way to do it? Ask without asking. Use an indirect or soft question. Did you ever notice that if you say to someone, "I wonder what time it is," they'll tell you the time, even though you didn't directly come right out and ask for the time. Or if you say, "I don't know what kind of movies you enjoy," they spill the beans and tell you. When you use a statement like this, especially with questioning body language -- raised eyebrows or raised hands -- and a questioning voice inflection, the person will willingly answer a question that was never even asked in the first place. This is a time-tested way for a woman to ask a man out on a date. It even works on paper.

300 Creative Dating Ideas
12 Simple Rules To Get Him/Her

Trina is a columnist with a large city newspaper. "I met James when we went for a business lunch -- it was a Thursday," she told me one Sunday afternoon at a house party. "For two hours we talked about everything. I couldn't stop thinking about what a good time I had. I wanted to do something about it. On Friday I wrote a short thank-you note that said, 'Thanks for a great lunch. I really enjoyed myself, and the conversation. I am not sure of your personal circumstances but, if you are able and would like to, I'd like to take you for dinner sometime.'

"Right after I sent the note, I wanted to get it back, but it was too late -- it was gone. I went away for the weekend with some girlfriends, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was nervous, but didn't see that much downside, other than not hearing from him at all -- which would have been equivalent to a 'no' and a little hurt to the ego.

"When Monday came, the phone rang and it was him. I felt relieved. We went for dinner on Tuesday night, and hey -- now it's 15 years later, and James still has the note."

300 Creative Dating Ideas
12 Simple Rules To Get Him/Her

The business of a woman asking a guy out is to some degree a generational thing: The younger you are, the more acceptable it is; the older you are, the more it might make either or both of you uncomfortable. But, gals, whatever your age, I think you'll be amazed how many guys will be flattered, relieved and impressed that you made the effort. And honestly, what have you got to lose? If you're really nervous, turn it around and be playful: "I had a great time talking with you," you can say, "and I think it'd be great if you asked me out." If your rapport has been really good and he looks to be getting the hint, you could even reinforce it with some fun body language, like smiling, widening your eyes expectantly and nodding your head "yes."


Yen said…
now i know why i was never ask out by a female before, sigh.

i blog about travelling in a diverse society, do hop in once in a while

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